I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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