He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
