is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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