dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
