Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
