Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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