So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
