Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Did I show you my penis last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
