For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
