At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
