I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
