can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
