Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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