He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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