How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
