I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
