There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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