I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
