Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
