i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
