I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
