.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
