She said her name was "party"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found the puke drawer
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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