I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
