A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
