i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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