trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
