My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
