I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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