I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
