my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
bring money and cleavage
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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