I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
