dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
