i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
