i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
