...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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