I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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