I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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