At least make sure they are 18
Why
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
