I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am available for nakedness
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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