You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Less talking, more tequila
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
