So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
