i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
