On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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