Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry about my life...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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