There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
