well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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