he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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