I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
