Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
