i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
