I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
