just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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