i don't plan on having that self control this summer
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
