yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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