smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
