I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
