I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize