HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
