I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
