Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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