quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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