I smell stomach acid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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