Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
